The harsh reality I have to
live with is that my hopes and dreams of finding a soul mate are now, always
have been, and forever will be, worth absolutely nothing. This condition is acceptable only in absence
of any other context, for once I see what’s been missing, I tend to long for
it… and it hurts. Thus the dark Irony:
loneliness, lack of companionship, and the sometimes paralyzing despair that
comes with them, are only made worse by the times when they are briefly
interrupted.
Only the cruelest of souls
would fuck with my perception of this reality for profit or gain. You’d think such souls would would be few and
far between, yet I seem to not only encounter,
but embrace and encourage them, regularly.
It takes way too little to draw my heart into these deals, and way too
much abuse before it will finally concede and cut its losses.
For whatever period of time
the illusion seems real, it does bring some real happiness… alright, a lot of
real happiness… if only the highest highs were not immediately followed by the
lowest lows, this roller coaster ride wouldn’t be quite so sickening.
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